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# vistors:

I'll make this simple. This diary has become a visual diary. Cut dry, to the point--nothing special. I'm an artist, but I'm not trying to be one here. I'm just showcasing what I feel, think, and see.

Welcome.

...and please pick up your mess before you leave!

+ -

A big fat "F"
medium: tori amos
theme: why am I a failure?

Second attempt at an entry.

Ahem. I'm royally pissed. Ready to spew lava at any moment. I have reached critical mass.

Let me explain first off that the source of boiling red-hot temper is not other people. No, I've angered myself by giving in to other people and their frivolous demands among other random deeds of mistreatment towards myself. It is just the few last vicious pricks that bring me to a boil, relentlessly ripping at my flesh and prodding me to go deeper into submission than I will allow my spirit to venture.

For instance the other day when I got upset with my brother and ended up dumping a bag of chips on the floor. I just couldn't take his whiny-crying-seventeen-year-old-ass pushing everyone else around because he has mood swings. Get over it! My gawd, do we have to serve you all day long?

Then my father tonight who undermined my entire effort to get everyone to agree on one place for dinner. Great, we had it all planned out, ready to go, when my dad just blurts out, "let's not go because everyone is too tired." Whatcha talkin bout ol' man? Why would we all have agreed on going if we were too tired to go? Enter another quarrel that wasn't even worth the twenty-five minutes it lasted.

Oh don't mind me, I'm just babbling on like a lonely brook...fuck it all I'm so tired.

Know what? I took a glance back at the past ten years of my life and realized that they were pretty much wasted...especially in reference to the past three years.

I'm 21 and what do I have to show for it?

I still live with mommy & daddy.
I don't have a college degree in my back pocket.
Neither do I have a steady or fulltime job.

So I feel like a complete failure. In reality, I'm not a failure...but I sure feel that way.

added by aqua-luna on 03.29.03 11:37 p.m.

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